I hope someone here can help us.

My partner is trying to track down a particular type of cheese to buy as a gift for his 88 year old father. The cheese was always given to his family as a holiday gift during the '50s. From his description, it was about pineapple-sized, had a hard rind (most likely wax), and was teardrop shaped with crosshatching, which makes me think it was hung to be cured.

The cheese was hard and granular and rather than being sliced or grated, one cut off the top of this "teardrop" and scooped out the crumbly cheese with a long spoon (like an iced tea spoon).

We've been asking at gourmet shops and even contacted a cheese society, but no luck so far. Any clues would be *very* appreciated.

Louisville, Kentucky, US - Spotted on his way back to the Continent after carousing in the Caribbean, chuckle_monkey slowed down long enough to grant us an interview (and shed on the best chair). Although he wasn't tempted by Mint Juleps, he seemed most interested in sampling some Kentucky Bourbon while we chatted.

What started this passive-aggressive relationship you have with markdeniz?
There’s no passive about it sweetie, it’s all aggression. I don’t know why he started it, but he did so let him try and explain why he did what he did, so you know what he did and why he did it. You dig it?

Have you ever been part of a witness protection program?
Funny you should ask that, as that’s exactly what I was on in the Bahamas. I only felt like I could come out of hiding when they put a huge restraining order on Mark and said they were going to investigate him thoroughly (I hope they meant like a customs examination)!

I had banana rum when I was in the Bahamas. Do you use this in your banana daiquiris, or do you make frozen daiquiris using frozen bananas and plain rum?
I have to see what’s available and then make what I can. I have had a frozen daiquiri when it was too too hot though and that was yummy!

Why haven’t you started your own clothing line yet?
It’s coming, just you wait and see, first I need to get this campaign out of the way and then I’m going to make sure that Chuckle Monkey Records gets off the ground again (oh the mess that Deniz chimp made of that…)

Is it true that Daniel Lilley is really your love child?
Ha ha, first Maddoc and now Daniel, nope neither of them are mine but there’s a few others that should be making sure and checking their birth certificates when they are older…

Do you plan to stalk markdeniz at Conflux 4?
Where he goes, I’ll be - he won’t be able to make a move without me near him (with a handful of poo at the ready).

With the obverting of your Live Journal, concern over your disappearance was paramount in your readers’ minds. One can’t help but notice that In Bad Dreams doesn’t have a “monkey” theme, which you’d rather expect from a guilty conscience. (Personally, I find you hairy little fellows a bit terrifying.) Is it that markdeniz is innocent of all wrongdoing, or is it that he’s a conscienceless bastard?
The latter of course! There is a rumour (mentioned yesterday) that all the protagonists in the book were monkeys originally but then he changed them on the advice of Sharyn. Maybe he was having a case of the conscience. Didn’t last long though did it?

How often are you asked to slip the banana to someone?
*winks* More than I can deal with if you know what I mean…

Do you like the taste of lice?
We don’t eat them woman, we pick them off each other. It’s a little ritual we have… have you got any?

If you had to have a “Best falls out of Three” match with any of the authors whose work appears in In Bad Dreams, who would you pick to battle, and why?
I’m not sure I get this question, although I’m guessing something to do with wrestling… yes? It’s a tough one because it’d be cool to challenge RJ Barker after his baby llama stunt (and cause I know I could beat him) but seeing as I am a monkey I have to go for one of the ladies and that would have to be Amanda Pillar, as she’s a bit of a cutie (I know cause she’s been sending pics)… *winks*

And with that, our dashing young simian sauntered off, leaving behind broken hearts (and hair).